Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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