It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
