I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
