I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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