i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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