sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
