I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
