If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
