how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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