you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
