I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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