I got chris browned last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
