and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize