I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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