My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
