I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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