I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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