wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
