whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
