On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
