just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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