don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Intervention is following me on twitter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
