he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
