he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Duck Duck Cougar?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
