physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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