their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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