There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
