dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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