oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
