I need help removing her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
