I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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