..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
