Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
