I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Boobs speak an international language.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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