I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
