I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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