if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
