im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
