Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
