we're blogging at a bar
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
