she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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