GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
