dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
