I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
