just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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