I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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