if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize