Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
