Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
