Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
