Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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