Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
