: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
