He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
