when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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