I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
