He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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