Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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