Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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