So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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