Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize