this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
