Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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