sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
