Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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