He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
