Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
