the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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