i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
