You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
