20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dick very happy bro
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
