last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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