He is an equal opportunity slut.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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