Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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