Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize