the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
