I have demons in me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize