who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize